The Toxic Effects of Comparison and How to Overcome Them

For as long as I remember, my parents loved to compare me to others. From how much I weighed at birth to the year, down to the month and to the day that I took my first steps, to third grade when I pretended to fall asleep early on Friday nights because I knew that my classmate’s mom would call my home phone to compare our grades. I used to hate my parents for comparing me to others. Why can’t you love me for who I am? Why do you have to define my worth through others? Those were just a couple of the thousands of questions I had in mind. At that time, I didn't understand why grown ups were so preoccupied with comparing their children. Perhaps I was too innocent and naive, unaware of the society that we live in. It is difficult for me to admit but I have become exactly what I hated my parents for. However, this time, I am unable to avoid it. You see, with my parents and relatives, I could always ignore their comments or just avoid them. I learned to let their negative comments go through one ear and come out of the other. However, now it is the voice in my head that constantly compares me to others. I can't seem to escape it. It constantly follows me like a shadow follows its owner. I started to compare myself to others in elementary school. At first, they were just simple actions such as asking my friends what grade they got, comparing our toys and who had the latest iPod touch, how many friends we had. During my teenage years, it became more related to body image. Comparing myself to everyone I saw on social media.

As time passed by, I slowly began to understand that comparison is very normal in our society. From our appearance to our income, every day, every minute, we as humans constantly find ways to compare ourselves. Most of the time, it brings more sorrow than pride, but we can’t seem to stop this wounding action. It's like we are in the eye of a tornado, wanting to escape but not having the strength to do so. No matter how hard we try to escape that eye, it will easily suck us back in until one day, we lose hope. The person we were no longer lives. That is exactly what comparing yourself to others can do. Too much comparison leads to self-destruction, losing your true self and pushing it away.

As much as I want to just “love myself” it’s easier said than done. It is difficult to feel happy and confident in your own body in today’s society. With social media, everyone is blinded by those beautiful models, that 13-year-old kid who seems to have it all, and of course that one 15-year-old who is studying at Harvard. It is in our human nature to compare ourselves to others. When that happens, we either feel better about ourselves or worse. Upward social comparison causes one to compare himself/herself who is better than him while downward social comparison compares yourself to people who are less successful than you. One makes you happy, while the other one makes you sad. You envy the other person’s life and wonder why you do not have that car they’re driving or that person’s perfect body. Comparison is not only about wealth or physical features, comparing grades has been a big part of my life and I am sure of so many others. Why do we do it? Because it makes us feel good, it makes you feel superior. The gratitude that you get when you get the “best grade in the class”. Why do we accord such an importance to grades? Because we live in a society where grades matter, where wealth matters, where appearance matters. All these people are competing against one another to reach the same end goal. It is like the hunger games, tho it doesn't involve as much killing. Some people argue that comparing yourself to others is a good thing. I agree, comparison gives you the motivation to do better. However, too much emphasis on it leads to a fear of failure. Too much competition kills our true self, it only allows you to find happiness through comparing myself to others.

I'm not here to say to stop comparing yourself because it is in our human nature to do so, because in our society, image, power and wealth matter. We want to show the best possible image of ourselves. However, there are some ways to feel less self-hate when doing so. My first tip is to recognize when you compare yourself. Recognizing that you take this action and stepping up to willingly make changes is the most important part. You have to understand that no one is perfect. Everyone has imperfections and insecurities. Having those is just a part of life. Instead of focusing on your insecurities, focus on what you have. Be grateful for the small things in life. As you become aware of those small things, your confidence will blossom and you will gain confidence. Another tip is to try to look at the bright side of things. Everything, everyone that appears in your life has a positive side. Perhaps it is a life lesson, or simply just a happy sensation. You just have to learn to look for it. Furthermore, making changes to your life instead of constantly envying your dream life is another tip. In fact, you can use comparison as a motivation to do better, to step your feet out of your comfort zone to become the person you have wished to become. It is not impossible, it just takes time and effort.

Comparing myself to others to see what they have that I don’t

Comparing myself to others because it is just too difficult not to.

Comparing myself to others because I am scared of failure

Comparing myself to others to make myself feel better

Comparing myself to others to motivate me to do better

Comparing myself to others to determine my own worth.

I am guilty of all of those and so is everyone else in this world!

I wish there was an endpoint to comparison, but I don't think there is. Comparison is in our nature, someone you think as his/her life in hand probably doesn't.